tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21851468677479785202024-02-17T03:50:26.306-05:00LOREM IPSUM DOLOR SIT AMET, CONSECTETUR ADIPISCING ELIT, SED DO EIUSMOD TEMPOR INCIDIDUNT UT LABOREpoet
@theoooeooo
www.wheregodhaveyougoneweneedtoknow.websitetheohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04987936746218796907noreply@blogger.comBlogger75125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2185146867747978520.post-90892029747489697852023-10-31T12:28:00.004-04:002023-10-31T12:29:46.490-04:00i am actyually banned from all social media due to my extreme ideaologies <h4 style="text-align: left;"> this was going to be a substack but i dont want it there</h4><p style="text-align: left;"> --</p><p style="text-align: left;">i just realized i have like two other accounts on substack that i have sometimes been accidentally posting to <br /><br />theooo.substack.com and theoooeooo.substack.com but i like this one because it’s just theo.substack.com <br /><br />a major win for those with the vision to see <br /><br />i would like to take a brief silence for the genocide in palestine now before continuing with this blogpost:<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />[…]<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />… may allah swt bless them all<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />[…]<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />ameen<br /><br /><br />so if u actually go on my other substack i posted ai generated content that predicted the rise and fall of mike crumpler, my catchphrase for him “you can’t dump the crump” also proved to be ironic as we all readily did and he is now retiring from public life, may allah guide him<br /><br />it’s only fair, since i am banned from all relevant social media, and don’t know how to use the internet to mention crumps on substack as he is single handily has made this website bad<br /><br />and i am only writing this blog post because i am incredibly unsure of what to do with my spare time now when not actively attempting to ruin my own life<br /><br />but i also bring up crumps and his more handsome yet more fake british version dean kissick , or whom i like to call dean “kiss kiss” as we all know what it took for him to get to where he is today are to blame for my getting banned on twitter<br /><br />either that or i do believe it is dril who is a not funny person who is popular on twitter and whos book sales are worse than something that is not even a book who blocked me for no reason some recent time before my getting banned<br /><br />i talk about it in a <a href="https://rss.com/podcasts/bridgeofashes/1152129/">three hour</a> podcast <br /><br />and yes i was banned for a specific tweet i made but i will not be disclosing exactly what it did say to the general public as it is a matter of national security at the moment<br /><br />but rest assured elon is a fraud and twitter is no place for real free speech<br /><br />i am interested in releasing another small poetry ebook soon but i dont think the <a href="https://archive.org/details/altlit">internet archive</a> is going to be publishing me again any time soon<br /><br />i also am making moves in lasagna in regards to major real book trauma in metro<br /><br />and i have a realer new book that i will be talking about soon and might actually be getting an agent for because i am ready to sell out in a cool way<br /><br />i miss my internet friends<br /><br />i used to spend 10 hours a day on twitter, it was a good life<br /><br />now i barely have time to even smoke weed but i am currently listening to jack johnson at my writing spot in tribeca :) i am grateful despite of this great turmoil in the world<br /><br />so where should i upload this next poetry chapbook ebook? idk or should i even keep updating my blog? the domain is costing me a fortune <br /><br />maybe i should just upload to instagram or hmmm how HOW idk i can’t even download apps because i have no debit card and i am so broke and in a lot of debt :/<br /><br />remember scribd? i used to have alot of ebooks on there<br /><br />i’m giving up on this blogpost i guess<br /></p>theohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04987936746218796907noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2185146867747978520.post-28349024386033933642023-06-21T16:00:00.004-04:002023-10-31T12:25:30.941-04:00major world update<p> </p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="s1">please accept the fact that</span></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="s1">i don't know why </span></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="s1">i am going to do this</span></span></span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="s1">i just am real</span></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="s1">and for real god be</span></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="s1">god be witness to that</span></span></span></p>theohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04987936746218796907noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2185146867747978520.post-35398173528602215132023-02-26T21:53:00.006-05:002023-02-26T22:16:26.514-05:009/15/18<p><br /></p><p>I feel happy just like how you love me</p><p>When I’m alone I don’t feel alone because I know you</p><p>and when I smile I also laugh because my smile reminds me of funny things you’ve done</p><p>You remind me that I don’t know you because you’re weird and I like you</p><p>You don’t know when you’re being mean because you like me so much</p><p>When we’re together in public what may be considered normal activities in most contexts now feels absurd</p><p>I want you to change me so as to gain some of your personality traits</p><p>In return I plan on impacting your life in a positive manner</p><p>I have some experience in this field beforehand</p><p>I hope it's okay to write poetry and be in love when ur dead, I care about this because it will affect us</p><p>You make me forget what regret is</p><p>Maybe the reason I'm sad is because not everyone is you</p><p>paradoxically, you make me more like myself</p><p>This will probably make more sense when I get older</p><p>I can't tell if my perspective of the world has changed or if the world has objectively improved</p><p>It's hard to believe we know how we will affect each other</p><p>to my friends and family on my highly scrutinized social media feed, hear the words from my mouth: the rumors are true, I hold a personal set of values and beliefs.</p>theohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04987936746218796907noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2185146867747978520.post-52517231873054595602023-02-23T18:14:00.006-05:002023-06-16T18:33:49.352-04:00my face after misgendering my girlfriend again<div style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: 17px;"> </span><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="s1">but bro she's cis bro<br /></span><span class="s1">on god<br /></span><span class="s1">and used to be theythem <br /></span><span class="s1">and misgendering me bc i can't drive</span><br /><span class="s1">or don't own a house</span><br /><span class="s1">i'm literally 12</span><br /><span class="s1">alhamdullilah </span></span></div><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: left; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span></p>theohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04987936746218796907noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2185146867747978520.post-37206703184839969582022-12-10T14:26:00.002-05:002022-12-10T14:26:21.571-05:00deleting system_32<p> </p><p>pray tell how we come to terms of service<br />when i just want the need to be proven wrong<br />so either display that there is no world here<br />or become apart of that is which is alot</p><p>i beliebed so much on one time i forgot,<br />thought my life was the way for reasons,<br />found you not hiding somehow there unobstructed,<br />now i'm forever alone and asking if i smell good</p><p>theythem being only pictures in my head<br />which stars wished therethen on my behalf<br />when i just wanted to watch you use ur phone<br />sending someone memes from across the room<br /></p>theohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04987936746218796907noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2185146867747978520.post-63206230554377328822022-10-31T03:34:00.003-04:002022-10-31T03:34:53.599-04:00earth problem<p> </p><p>arrive to a goodbye under familiar volition<br />distracted and uncomfortable between shifting crusts and a thin layer of ozone<br />we are under constant bicuriousity in this life<br />reading youtube comments about mars and feeling poor yet some turn to a funny caption</p>theohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04987936746218796907noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2185146867747978520.post-67910217451300056532022-10-29T08:12:00.002-04:002022-10-29T08:12:29.887-04:00gooogle.com<p><i> (originally published on electric cereal now defunct c. 2014)</i></p><p><br /></p><p>Hi, My name is Theo and I’m a 19 year old writer living in Brooklyn! :) I came up with this story about having friends while I was on my rooftop and it’s good, and I think you’ll love it, but anyway let me say this, I’m not just talking about relationships here. Try to disassociate things from one another, think about how differences can connect things, and please just don't be ashamed of existing anymore. No matter how wrong people say your existence is, it just isn’t, OK? I hate watching you cry in front of your webcam. You don’t believe you deserve to be happy, but you do. Everyone makes mistakes, that doesn’t make them a bad person.</p><p>Nathan Masserang is lying outside on the morning grass like a bright pair of pants, feeling expensive and comfortable, messaging Paul Rizza on Facebook Messenger.</p><p>“Theo is so cool,” Nathan says.<br />“I think he’s very, very cool,” Paul replies. “Strange and carefree, like a big mystery.”<br />“I think he is just good, like objectively a good person, and I’m very lucky to be his friend and I really consider him a friend.”<br />“I do too, I want to spend more time with him online.” </p><p>Nathan agrees with Paul, noticing the new shining colors in his phone. Paul sends nathan a Pusheen sticker. Facebook stickers are illustrations or animations of characters that you can send to friends. They’re a great way to share how you’re feeling and add personality to your chats. It's an internet postcard that is sent from one online user to another, something to enjoy yourself with, a small moment of instant gratification, sometimes relief, or to feel comfortable with. </p><p>Paul mentions to Nathan how the world can seem glimmering at times, bright and expensive like pants.<br />Scott Krave sends Bob Schofield a Snapchat of a small rainbow that formed over the mist of his garden hose. It’s a small piece of everything, floating in colors somewhere in the air, and maybe it isn’t really there, but it is because we can see it but, I don’t know, I don’t really know how rainbows work but I still like writing about them because they make people happy.</p><p>“What makes Theo a Theo?” The snapchat says, disappearing in seconds like, well a rainbow I guess, or like, I don't know, an unimportant memory, maybe?</p><p>A girl who secretly has a crush on Theo searches his name on Youtube and watches videos of him reading poetry. She thinks he acts cute, and has a goofy voice but also, he still seems very intelligent too, and good looking, and with a great sense of humor too. Maybe she will message Theo later to flirt with him in a nonconfrontational way.</p><p>What does make Theo a Theo? Is it a thing like rainbows, or like pants? Paul wonders if he is a little Theo, and Anthony Peregrine text messages Amy Saul-Zerby late at night, vaguely mentioning Theo in a comforting way, and Stephen Michael Mcdowell messages Stephen Tully Dierks, “I can’t stop reading Theo’s stuff.” John Mortara Kiks James Ganas, “Did you catch Theo’s new story on Electric Cereal?”<br />“Of course I did.”</p><p>Nathan messages Paul like how you would slide letters under a door, and he feels like a Theo, at least I think he feels like a Theo. I’m not sure, and Paul seems confused too. He googles Theo’s name and suddenly it’s all there.<br /> </p>theohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04987936746218796907noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2185146867747978520.post-62038075030313047602022-10-27T23:34:00.008-04:002022-10-27T23:49:17.987-04:00Love In The Time Of Art Basel<div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><i>(this b an earlier version of another story i later published of similar title, c. 2016.)</i></span></span></div><h4 style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><i> </i></span></span></h4><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">after the afterparty,</span> I’m outside waiting for an Uber when I take a break from my phone to glance at the sky. Oh moon, you big rock, just floating there. I forget how close we are until I notice you alone. Last week, I get a couple hours of sleep before work where I polish glasses and reevaluate my life.<br /><br />Ugh, I think to myself, I don't care! It's amazing how little I care! I don't want to be doing any of this right now. If I could, I would write anything, it doesn't matter what, as long as it’s not this.<br /><br />Back in the present moment, I’m nearing my destination when the Uber driver days, “I look around and everyone seems happy.”<br /><br />“They look like something,” I say, grinning mischievously at the purposeful meaningless of my response.<br /><br />Tomorrow is my birthday and we’re traveling back from South Beach when our van breaks down in the highway. I just turned 21, I think to myself, I can’t die now. Feeling misgendered when the group asks me to check underneath the car, Jackie starts laughing when I take selfies on top of the traffic barrier.<br /><br />We push the van into the parking lot of a Taco Bell.<br /><br />It starts to rain and makes me think.<br /><br />Taking in the helplessness of our situation, perhaps applying it to existence in general, Jackie and I sit side by side against the fast food chain’s exterior.<br /><br />“Brothers, sisters?” I ask. “Two,” Jackie says, “you?” “One.” “Older?” “He’s,” I pause, “24 I think.” “Do you like your parents?” I ask. “No,” they say, “you?” I shrug. “Did you have friends growing up,” I ask. “No,” they say, “you?” “No.” “I can do this,” they say, squatting with one leg extended. “Holy shit,” I say. “Do you ever feel like a boy?” They ask. “I’ve never felt like anything I think,” I say, “except sad when someone told me I wasn’t something else, maybe.” “I think,” Jackie says, the subject becoming irrelevant, “I hate feeling like I have to describe my feelings.” I don’t know if this is temporary,” I say, “or if it’s forever.” “Everything is flat,” Jackie says, “just flat, people look flat and everything, it’s like,” they place their hands in front of their face, “everything feels like I’m trying to stop something from happening.” We actively hold back tears, in part because we can’t find a reason to cry. “It’s not real,” I say, “I know it’s not real but this is all there is anyway.”<br /><br />On 4/20 I wait in line at the weed dispensary before meeting up with Victoria for coffee.<br /><br />Hungover albeit purchasing a latte, I sit at an outdoor table and take my first sip of the morning.<br /><br />“Mmmmm,” I speak, “coffee, I love you, your beans, give me all your hope and anxiety.”<br /><br />Victoria finds this humorous.<br /><br />After Thai, She wraps her leftovers in the hopes of finding a panhandler on our walk home while I begin openly rolling a spliff and ask about her significant other.<br /><br />She tells me that she can’t be with someone who makes her feel useless and stupid all the time, and we drive to the other end of town and drink boxed wine in a field.<br /><br />Basking drunkenly in warm sun, we observe a dog and their guardian a number of meters away.<br /><br />“That stupid man,” Victoria says, “he’s setting up cones when all his dog wants is to play.”<br /><br />“I hate him,” I say.<br /><br />“The cones don’t even mean anything,” she says, “they’re just plastic, it’s not like, they’re not anything, it’s just…”<br /><br />Victoria’s eye widen, her curious smile becoming more perverse.<br /><br />After the poetry reading, we note a reader with his entire right arm tattooed black, something Victoria is quick to remark of its parallels with blackface.<br /><br />The reader then makes a generalization about the country of Jordan which Victoria asks him to elaborate on as me and Kiki watch with tense excitement.<br /><br />In contrast, after karaoke that night, I roll around the grass with Kiki to the enjoyment of the locals.<br /><br />We get in the car where Victoria audibly calms herself as she prepares to drunk drive.<br /><br />“I know you think this is stupid,” she says.<br /><br />“It’s stupid but I don’t care,” I say.<br /><br />I fight nausea as Victoria tells me how she appreciates our friendship, and how much I mean to her.<br /><br />I throw up thrice on our way home.<br /><br />In bed, Katie counts sheep while I think about Kiki.<br /><br />I wonder if she’s thinking about me, she probably is.<br /><br />After sleeping in, I roll out of bed and let Victoria’s pets wake me with their company.<br /><br />I take a lukewarm shower and roll my first spliff of the morning.<br /><br />Walking down the sidewalk, I let the foliage around mingle with my fingers.<br />I think of how each interaction with the plants go.<br /><br />I could do this forever, I think to myself.<br /><br />I could live in Portland for the rest of my life if I never wanted to accomplish anything.<br /><br />That evening, Victoria and I go to the cinema and watch a film about an old couple.<br /><br />In the end, the husband dies.<br /><br />I tell Victoria how I feel the story was poorly written, until she informs me that the film was in fact, a documentary.<br /></span><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><i> </i></span></p>theohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04987936746218796907noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2185146867747978520.post-85197565391534738822022-10-27T23:19:00.007-04:002022-10-27T23:19:56.167-04:00 Walking around, nothing to do, feeling imperfect in an ok sort of way c.2016<p> </p><p>I can’t believe anything that has happened. <br />Whoever loves me is how many sunsets I have left </p><p>Parachuting molly in Washington Sq. Park, me and Audrey don’t care about being alive, as if we were born one second ago. “That’s the thing about the moon,” Audrey says, “if I wanted to, nothing could stop me from going there.” She watches me rub grass. “It’s fine you never pay attention,” she says.</p><p>“The moon,” I say. <br />“What are you thinking about?”<br />“Jesus, it’s like a blanket,” I say, “the atmosphere is like a blanket.”</p><p>Feeling not high enough, me and Audrey go back home to insufflate more MDMA where she asks about my first memory. “A picnic,” I say, “with my mom and someone else, I don’t remember.” “Stupid,” she says. I display a disconcerted facial expression. “Stupid memories,” she says to herself, “they don’t mean anything to anyone.”<br /></p>theohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04987936746218796907noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2185146867747978520.post-49591842887350185972022-10-27T23:01:00.005-04:002022-10-27T23:01:57.173-04:00phone notes c.2014-2016<p> </p><p>May 2<br />alarm I don't remember ever setting goes off around 3:30PM everyday and plays notably quiet, melancholy piano instrumental<br />while high today, alarm goes off per usual & I begin to worry that maybe like, somehow it's a sign of another world/like the matrix/my mind attempting to wake myself from coma<br />calm down thinking about how it could change whenever, but just don't feel like it right now<br /><br />May 12<br />Why can’t I be mean w/o being a man<br /><br />May 6<br />wave at landlord, who waves too closing his door after his bf steps inside<br />these people I live with, chose me to live with/to be w me<br />i get my chia i think about my steps<br />this happy comes always when u dont know why<br /><br />May 11<br />god loves me its true<br />sometimes i think i am god<br /><br />May 12<br />Rich ppl don’t exist<br /><br />May 4<br />today I found love under a rock<br />currently interested in stars<br />poetry gets me into trouble<br /><br />April 30<br />☐ Clean room<br />☐ Write<br />☐ Buy ticket<br />☐ Pack<br />☐ 8pm - reading<br />☐ Jayinee party<br />☐ Sarah party<br />☑ Make key copies<br />☑ Buy blanket<br />☑ Get check?<br /><br />May 6<br />Theory: cuddling, the calm, womb-like feeling, bc FOV on SOs chest/shoulder/head/toes of their bodies contours “trick” POV to looking at farm/ expansive vista/sky & cloud<br /><br />March 17<br />Noticing the sun, thoughts go,<br /><br />March 2<br />Aimless life leading somewhere<br /><br />March 9<br />Fireflies spark air over shubbery<br />Walking around surrounding residential area<br /><br />Dec 26<br />surprised by myself.<br /><br />Dec 15<br />I wish relaxation was something I could ingest.<br /><br />Jan 8<br />"You're sad," she says.<br />"Maybe."<br />"Don't be sad."<br />"I don't think I know how."<br />"Like this," she makes a funny face.<br /><br />Sep 14<br />I answer the phone<br />hello<br />hi<br />pause<br />hello<br /><br />Sep 13<br />you can do it, you can do it, and don't let anyone tell you whatever is dumb<br /><br />Sep 4<br />At the park, the far away people seemakm. , like miniature toys. 1<br />They 1qqqqq1<br /><br />Nov 30<br />"You need god in your life."<br />"I need a job.”<br />"God can help you get one."<br />"I'd rather just not need a job."<br /><br />Nov 11<br />I want to die so bad even though life is so great.<br />Life is so great and I want to die so bad.<br />I want to die so bad even though life is so great.<br />I love life so much, I just to want to die.<br /><br />July 29<br />I wake up to the singing of Kiwi's text.<br />"Sunshine," she writes<br />"☀🌈⛅"<br />an emoji from Kiwi<br />I remember talking on the phone<br /><br />Aug 27<br />I'm so happy ☺<br />I didn't get to do anything today<br />I wish this was everyday<br />I don't even care what people think<br />It seems dumb that things happen<br />Change feels like a waste of time<br />idk, follow your heart lmao<br />Laughing so hard<br />I email paul an image of bread<br />Walking around the neighborhood,<br /><br />Aug 25<br />So this is it<br />I've resorted to writing poetry <br />Where did it go wrong<br />Ugh in love what terrible stuff <br /><br />Aug 17<br />Can't believe I used to be me.<br />I was so different before now.<br />It's like I keep forgetting something.<br />It kind of feels like to be me accepting all the time<br /><br />July 28<br />I hate this<br />We're just trying too hard<br /><br />Jun 16<br />Flying over Salt Lake City, wonder if the large, seemingly shrinking lake nearby is Salt Lake, Lake Salt, or Salt Lake City Lake<br />feels uncontrollable more variations of lake, salt, and city, eventually mixing together whatever Spanish I know, e.g. Lake de Salt City<br /><br />July 11<br />I feel like I could be naked forever<br /><br />Apr 30<br />From landscape to eating ice cream on curb<br /><br />Jan 26<br />Lisa walks quikly<br />Theo jayqalls to meet het<br />The said somethijg offense<br />She says to not touch her<br />Theo immediately starts to cry<br /><br />May 18th<br />When's the last time you bought something from someone looking like this?<br /><br />Feb 14<br />This is my life, now imagine all the ways it could go wrong because it does<br /><br />Jan 26<br />Have a character express concern over theos drug use<br /><br />Jan 25<br />My cat wakes me up by knocking over a glass from the desk, shattering it.<br />He jumps down and starts to pur while rubbing his body against the shards.<br />I say "omg Smirnoff" and pick him up and start to clean up the glass but I cut myself and then my landlord knocks on my door.<br />"Theo."<br />"Yes?"<br />"Did you eat spaghetti last night."<br />"Yes, I did."<br />"What is this?"<br />He's holding a jar of ragu.<br />"That looks like Spaghetti sauce."<br />"You can not just throw this away you know. You need to recycle this."<br />"Oh, I just assumed it was glass so..."<br />"You recycle glass."<br />"Oh, I didn't know that."<br />"In ur email when u first moved here u said u care about the environment..."<br />"Yeah I just forgot about glass"<br />"r u bleeding?"<br />"Yes my cat was playing in glass"<br /> <br />Feb 6<br />☐ How do I act when I’m around you<br />☐ What were ur first impressions<br />☐ How do you think I perceive myself<br />☐ What do you think is the best thing about me<br />☐ What do you think is wrong w me<br />☐ What are your thoughts on my intellect<br />☐ What should I do differently<br /><br />June 16<br />Feeling weight shift in the airplane, tapping the small screen on back of chair in front of me for flight data, taking note of the altitude and wondering if screen auto-updated or required me to manually refresh<br />After attempting to refresh and not getting any updates, rest my hand over mouth in presidential manner,<br />staring intently for new info when woman beside me laughs at the movie she watches, but I associate her laughter towards me and found me to be hilarious, and we both laugh to ourselves<br /><br />June 4<br />facebook sticker of cat saying "I've seen this already"<br />facebook sticker of wombat w sunglasses saying "how did we become friends"<br />facebook sticker, dung beetle saying "check out my soundcloud"<br /><br />May 26<br />There's something beautiful happening in me, something about how I look or how I am, the things I do makes the people around me happy, it makes me happy. I've never felt more emotionally available in my whole life.<br /><br />May 21<br />While throwing up in the subway, the couple in front of me, dressed in sweatpants and hoodies, looked high on benzos. Made me nostalgic of my ex.<br /><br />May 31<br />Ppl spinning while talking about their fav places<br /><br />Feb 27<br />Drumming and cheers stretch across eighth avenue.<br />Protestors hold up signs, "BROKEN SYSTEM," "KILLER COPS."<br />Police officers stand behind street barriers as they're photograph for social media.<br />"[Something] send those killer cops to jail!"<br />From the lobby of the New School, I see Laura sketching in her book.<br />I climb over the barrier and tap on the window pane.<br />"Laura, I'm here!"<br />She smiles, moves towards the front door.<br />"Laura," as the door opens, "I'm here."<br />"I see that and I'm very proud of you," she says.<br />"Yeah, I thought I'd take your advice."<br />"And, is it making you feel a kind of way?"<br />"Yeah, I really feel like I care!"<br />Someone throws confetti from a third story window.<br /><br />Feb 16<br />Wow, he's flying a kite. He's thinking about if whether or not guess who is thinking about him.<br />He doesn't know if he and she really get along, but he likes her anyway and he's sure that he knows for sure that he thinks she's, well, okay, and different seeming at least at first glance and that maybe he will like her more later.<br />She's blowing bubbles on the beach and a sunset. She's feeling differently about him now then she probably felt about him before. She has always said to people like Pete how she has always felt she had trouble remembering exactly how she felt about all the things that have not happened in the present. Who does she think she is, she thinks to herself, and was that me<br />Later, he climbs through his window.and his house<br /><br />Feb 20<br />I'm thinking about whether or not guess who is thinking about me when she, all of a sudden, texts me, out of the blue, just like in the movies, "Any plans for tonight?"<br />Yes, I believe this might be what the Hollywood executives call a ***, a sudden action presented to carry the plot forward. It's this unpercievable force that shows itself to you when you're most ready.<br />Lets breathe for a moment, and take account of our surroundings. Plans? Why would I have plans? What day is it? It must be friday why else would Annie ask. That means, for those of you unfamiliar with my lifestyle, ive spent the last 4 days in my dark, windowless room, getting up only to defecate and feed my cat. I stay in this hybrid-meditative state for days on end. <br /><br />Dec 20<br />standing, smiling, breathing, agreeing to this level of intimacy, feeling content re relationship, no need to proceed, if even possible, or even occurred to us<br /><br />Dec 17<br />I start off, first of all, by apologizing not only for inviting him to the show but for being his friend at all, for us even liking each other, I'm sorry for just having similar interests with Trevor, and if I could somehow let him have all of these interests by sacrificing mine, I would in a heart beat. I tell him, that I obviously did not know his exgirlfriend would be at the show, if I even knew he ever had a romantic relationship with someone, I would have made sure to check every music venue for Trevor's exes before inviting him. In fact, it makes sense to me now that obviously you would have similar interests with your exgirlfriend so of course it would be more likely that she attend shows that befall under our set of interests, and that when inviting you to something that interests you I should be even more aware to look for any exgirlfroends in the crowd<br /><br />Nov 5<br />oh my god, i swear to god he slammed the door on me! I was like what the fuck, i dont even know what that was all about<br /><br />Nov 2<br />Theo talks on a boat with tod<br />Theo smokes weed<br />Tod tells a girl friend at a party he has a crush on theo<br />"Thats okay!"<br />They take a selfie together smoking weed<br />Theo wishes they had two bluntz. For the photo<br />Someone at a party shows tod pictures of dead people<br />Tod is emotionally unphased.<br /><br />Oct 12<br />A persons plane emergency stops when someone on board continued to shout bomb over and over<br /><br />Oct 2<br />I combust and die<br />My death causes two facebook friends grief, one finds themselves seeking more of a connection when the other focuses on his phone<br />The one seeking con. is a they/them and puts a dress on in the summer time<br />The othrt os typing "reality" on facebook<br /><br />Sep 9<br />it feels very healthy to kind of agree that certain things dont make sense, and to stop putting effort in believing or understanding them<br /><br />Aug 22<br />We are just things that aren’t really there yet<br /><br />Aug 20<br />Todd, talks about internet, america, takes adderall at party, fisherman comparison and home and studio comparison, takes shrooms and molly and flirts and tries to get in touch w drug dealer<br /><br /></p>theohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04987936746218796907noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2185146867747978520.post-53465993565391490532022-10-27T22:24:00.001-04:002022-10-27T22:24:49.816-04:00essay i was made to write in community college, 9.12.12<p> </p><p> <span> </span>I'm unsure how honest I want to be in this essay. I think for the sake of reaching the 1,250 word count I'll be able to get more mileage by telling the truth.</p><p> The reason I'm in college is because my parents want me here. I tried arguing with them over the summer that I didn't want to attend any college. (I hope this doesn't make you feel I'll take your class any less seriously. In fact, if I hadn't attended QCC I would be mainly just be practicing my writing.) My original plan was to build a portfolio of my writing and hopefully find a job working for a magazine or newspaper.</p><p> I feel like my generation is at an awkward time in education. The college degree isn't finding us jobs anymore. Before, if we had a college degree it gave us an extra edge. Now, it isn't even seen as important. All businesses seem to look for is job experience. Even entry level jobs are requiring over three years of experience. Internships seem to impress employers more than an asoociates degree in an unrelated field. QCC doesn't have much for journalism. I don't feel like my Liberal Arts degree will be helping me getting that job in journalism.</p><p> But no one likes having a kid not going to college. Especially since we're immagrants, my parents really want to see me get a degree. That's really the only reason I'm here.</p><p> I don't feel like I have the drive that other students have. Even in high school, if I wasn't interested in a class I would do the bare minimum. I always got good grades in electives and English, but I barely passed math. It never really bothered me though. I've never really seen grades to be important. I never took notes, would do the homework right before class, and basically all the other types of slacking.</p><p> I think my proudest moment in high school was after giving a teacher one of my stories. I was never even taught under her. We just happened to be friends. One day she pulls me out of one of my classes and tells me that my story was one of the best stories she's read from a student. (I hope this doesn't sound like I'm bragging here.) I was really floored to be honest. I still don't like most of my writing. I worked on that story I gave her for almost a month.</p><p> The point is, that was my happiest moment in schooling. It wasn't the As that I received on my finals or anything like that. I don't think I've ever been interested in formal education.</p><p> But now that I'm here I don't want to waste anyone's time, neither mine or yours. I can tell already that I'm going to be interested in your class. I'll be taking it seriously. I feel like I'll be able to learn a lot from it. How well I'll be doing in my Math 99 class I have no idea. Speaking realistically, there's a good chance I wont pass.</p><p> What I want to gain form your class is pretty obvious: knowledge in writing, knowledge about English, and knowledge in the work of other authors. I don't feel like I need to talk about this too much. I'd like a good learning enviroment and all the stuff that is expected in any type of school program. I don't feel like this will be a huge concern and I'm sure you know more about what makes a good learning enviroment than I do. I just expect all the reasonable things that everyone else expects. </p><p> My goals are to improve myself with everything you are teaching me. <br /><br /></p>theohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04987936746218796907noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2185146867747978520.post-9522548628276614862022-10-27T22:14:00.000-04:002022-10-27T22:14:19.261-04:00Camera roll from 308 Franklin Ave in New York, August 13th 2015<p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> </span></p><p>went sleeping after shrooms about families and Manuel I had a good time with yesterday and I hope they like me<br />found this thing I wrote:<br />“friends ask each other out on a date but go alone to put bagels in their pockets”<br />outside feels like normal I don't even know if I.m on drugs<br />I hope Things r OK<br />don't know how to use my phones but they're rly pretty I kind of love them trying not to cry<br />I'm so funny how all these ppl accumulate saying nice things about me<br />thought this was messenger lol<br />roommates saw me w melted chocolate every which one but I'm just trying to be an adult lmao<br />I think I'm crying but it's good<br />ugh chocolate smelled everywhere<br />melted couches e erhwhere<br />I'm just too smart for them<br />people are so meaningful l ol or I don't know ow<br />paul we never talk<br />I love being friends with every one I'm always meeting<br />can't rly remember when this started<br />is this a Google Doc or what<br />paul i love art<br />I love myself I come here whenever I'm sad<br /></p>theohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04987936746218796907noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2185146867747978520.post-51281176215347836272022-10-19T19:56:00.001-04:002022-10-19T19:56:53.185-04:00pretty pls<div><br></div><div>don't hate me, i'm not airbrush</div><div>i'm not clone tool, i'm not lasso</div><div>i don't know where i fit like a peg</div><div>me, i'm pixelated like a gif</div><div>i'm low frame rate and i clip</div><div>in convo, u make me high latency</div><div>ur afk and i am idk</div><div>ur away status i read invisible </div><div><br></div>theohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04987936746218796907noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2185146867747978520.post-83853841515515322462022-10-15T15:56:00.001-04:002022-10-15T15:56:03.228-04:00rejected hobart pulp submission c. 2018<div><br></div>i boycotted hobart press on principle in october 2014 when elizabeth ellen published an open letter to the internet, reading her essay a quarter of the way through, skimming the rest, simplifying her sentiments into an idea of victim blaming and leaving a negative comment on social media<div><br></div><div>it felt good to have ignored this press for 4 yrs, occasionally reading a poem whenever a friend was published but for the most part vocally expressing my opinion of this literary collection of text c. 2001 as “problematic”</div><div><br></div><div>i’ve since read ellen’s other writing and enjoyed it without much internal struggle, something that I enjoyed to enjoy given the irreconcilable political differences in the ~10 sentences I read from her yrs prior in what I now think is a somewhat brave article to publish unanonymously given the climate of our mutual social media at the time, for context, I’m writing this some weeks after someone I was peripherally friend’s with on social media has, (I would find enjoyment it calling ironic if these two events didn’t happen yrs apart but hoping I can still find some moral maybe,) called me a rape apologist and told me to “stay the fuck away from their safe spaces,” not something you want to hear but something that may happen from time to time if your opinion differs with someone of privileged socioeconomic class on facebook</div><div><br></div><div>anyway, since bud smith is guest editing this month I thought I would give a quick shout out to him: sup bud, thought I’d actually submit something to this thing even though I hate the process of submitting poetry to be slowly peer reviewed</div><div><br></div><div>there’s very few presses that I’m actually interested in associating with, and if you’re a poet or writer, I encourage you to feel the same way I do</div><div><br></div><div>no one is doing you a favor by publishing you, and you will learn more as a writer by developing relationships w ppl of similar thought and aesthetics as you than you would by getting impersonal publications in a literary magazine that’s over 10 yrs old</div><div><br></div><div>weird leftbook fails in community building similarly to how the majority of larger literary magazines have, which seems only natural given similar synthetic hierarchies being imposed on us, and encourage mainly poets to branch out to other communities for artistic support, as well as cultivate personal relationships with one another rather than caring about your projected online brand</div><div><br></div><div>like in ellen’s essay, which I’ve reread in full (80%) since beginning this, I relate to feeling like this piece is also losing it’s train of thought but am dissuaded in editing it too heavily given my aforementioned soft-contempt for literary institutions such as this one and am inclined to copy/paste and finish this poem with an unfinished portion of a poem I recently gave up on:</div><div><br></div><div>we are the silent majority of a vocal minority</div><div>like atheists, born as anarchists</div><div>we learn from tumblr posts to expect the harmed to push agendas</div><div><br></div><div>i ask those performating their politics online what one nonbinary noise-punk vocalist from bushwick put nicely: "why should I trust you if you have no relevant experience or haven't put in the hours? Why should I care? And why do you get to chastise me and everyone else? What qualifies you to tell your friends what to do?"</div>theohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04987936746218796907noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2185146867747978520.post-25594031592781672542022-10-05T02:36:00.002-04:002022-10-05T02:36:30.993-04:00haha oh :(<p><br /></p><p>nvm kmsing myself atm<br />g2g somewhere i never go<br />inb4 i never go<br />inb4 i never even try<br />lol - lots of love </p>theohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04987936746218796907noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2185146867747978520.post-73870636218994401452022-09-15T19:31:00.001-04:002022-09-15T19:31:22.287-04:00not me, you<div><br></div><div><div>watching, i look at a rain</div><div>drop smash the 33°</div><div>inclined front car window</div><div>from the approaching thunder</div><div>it attempting what idk</div><div><br></div><div>thinking, that is me</div><div>i am like that rain pressed</div><div>on the windshield flayed </div><div>in view of others from a storm</div><div>i don't nor can remember</div></div>theohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04987936746218796907noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2185146867747978520.post-54938940529061066242022-09-11T23:49:00.002-04:002022-09-11T23:49:27.640-04:00poem<p> </p><p>i'll do with this poem what<br />i was too scared to do w/ you</p><p>but can it change who we are</p><p>i'll try to change this world<br />to how things are and what it's done</p><p>i still trouble putting into words<br />so i will try doing this poem instead</p>theohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04987936746218796907noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2185146867747978520.post-41186789761270973512022-09-04T20:04:00.001-04:002022-09-04T20:04:19.358-04:00i regret not saving ur pics<div><br></div><div>now all i have of u is the memory</div><div>sticks that u gave me from ur pc</div><div><br></div><div>so that i could run GTA V online</div><div>without it crashing so much</div><div><br></div><div>but it never worked,</div><div>i never could join ur server</div>theohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04987936746218796907noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2185146867747978520.post-40931744129048474322022-08-23T16:09:00.001-04:002022-08-23T16:09:51.541-04:00i'm ignoring world events to write thisbtwn 2 oak trees on a mound in a spring summer evening day<div>me & sally practiced somersaults down the hill like my niece, </div><div>how she used to do on accident when she still couldn't walk</div><div>now she's in elementary school and won't return my texts</div>theohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04987936746218796907noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2185146867747978520.post-48023807610581472182022-08-21T16:33:00.001-04:002022-08-21T16:33:23.644-04:00dimes square<div><br></div><div><div>we stopped the car between two</div><div>mountain ranges, in a valley</div><div>town and parked near the locked gate</div><div>of a nature preserve, bypassed some deterrents</div><div>and sneaked past the park keeper's trailer</div><div>to whisper as far from others as we could</div><div><br></div><div>we left reception and saw stars</div><div>some distance and time from us</div><div><br></div><div>in your phone's light searching</div><div>my name to find my star and tell</div><div>where i am from but all i really wanted</div><div>to know is if what i'm feeling is for real</div><div><br></div><div>around riparian willows and cottonwood trees</div><div>you waited for results from an unreachable server</div><div>while mars, venus, uranus, and i watch in latency</div></div>theohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04987936746218796907noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2185146867747978520.post-40860090360615567762022-08-20T04:46:00.010-04:002022-08-20T04:46:43.170-04:00i don't believe what life is like<p><br /></p><p>i don't know what is actually going on<br />i, looking those eyes at you,<br />wow just wow</p><p>i actually am single but do i love the porch<br />i, laying here the summer sky, there<br />eons and eons</p><p>i give what i am to you<br />i, speaking to my windows vista, what i see<br />my oh my</p>theohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04987936746218796907noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2185146867747978520.post-60607607900857880442022-08-01T19:16:00.001-04:002022-08-01T19:16:30.040-04:00walking down the street xwalking around thinkin bout u x<div>holding head and shoulders thinking bout u xoxo</div><div>sitting down :)</div><div>dirty iced chai in hands and thinks about you x</div><div>leaving now thinking about you xxx</div><div>interesting be myself 130,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 atoms i sit on top & think about you know who x</div><div><br></div>theohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04987936746218796907noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2185146867747978520.post-4504382804433202422022-06-14T02:04:00.003-04:002022-06-14T05:30:34.184-04:00poem<div><br /></div>we only have 78 calm winters, <div>51 more springs, sometimes i wish i was a moth,</div><div>only 2 summers where in minnesota i watched</div><div>you supine the tall grass fireflies there then scared by a raccoon</div><div><br /></div><div>i don't know what they'll say about this, four autumn that i hold my own</div><div>hand on life but you briefly were</div><div><br /></div><div>everything i've imagined tried</div><div>come true</div>theohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04987936746218796907noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2185146867747978520.post-65266475634292479102022-05-21T23:46:00.005-04:002022-05-21T23:46:24.946-04:00concussion poem<p><br />crying thinking i'm bad ass<br />so sleepy zzzz<br />jk but fuck<br />can't move or uhh think<br />like at all</p><div><br /></div>theohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04987936746218796907noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2185146867747978520.post-81355356543509906522022-05-18T18:23:00.013-04:002022-05-18T18:30:43.572-04:00poem forever<p> </p><p>enter my love do not just go<br />the world our love is like this<br />you how you you me and me you<br />goodbye my life that was past<br />i greet whoever you are now for me<br />become already everything you are<br />that will be what i am to you</p><p>drink what nature runs throughout it<br />move the way you remember yourself<br />look at your own eyes<br />don't be prideful that this life is yours<br />enter this god, you were here before</p>theohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04987936746218796907noreply@blogger.com0