there was a period where things were not this way, he temporarily thought in pause while on his back, sun through a window there, then standing off the air mattress with damaged heart, defenseless, meager unemployment insurance, dead to many and in poor credit to others
so these are my days, this is what i've come to expect, go to things, see people, is this just going to be the rest of my life?
invited by a friend to play basketball, he's abruptly ghosted after already on the bus, ‘please don’t invite me to things anymore,’ he texted them and walked home
that night, he used a friend’s door code to enter their apartment building, tiptoed past their door to the roof to gaze at the pitiful amount of stars
he had a way of perceiving things that was very observational in a perceptive kind of way
fuuuck, my gf hates me again, time to smoke weed about it
the next day he's at a bar to pretend to read a book and look out the window and someone who stole $300 from him entered and politely made conversation for a length of time that seemed lonely
he used his laptop to read youtube comments that made him smile and feel relatively okay, then he shut his screen and turned 20° to his right to stare at nothing for half a minute and have an experience
he’s infatuated with the idea that he is somehow alive, walking through a parking lot with his friends, when at a time it was so that he could not sense sunlight, or an awareness of any stimuli in general really, but now it’s all stimuli all the time
mmmm mmmm mmmm mmmm mmmm, he thinks, i'm lovin' it
no sun today but everyone out anyway, nothing else to do plus humidity along with the breeze and actually sensitive in the cheeks from having just cried, he felt like electromagnetic and repulsed from all these terrible, awful people who are okay
i can't believe my life, he thinks, i can't believe this thing, i don't know
flowers are not blooming, accidentally thinking about someone then forgetting who and feeling somewhat okay, i guess
la la la i'm just here for no reason, he thinks while thinking about thinking, then going away
already awake today and everything has become fucked up and so i end the day early but then with tomorrow, i don’t know
he was lost and looking for himself and searched the roof but only god was there and he asked, where am i?
he went to her's but no one was there and chilled in her pool, cannonballs a couple miles from the residence of george w bush, wild and not so bad
sitting on the couch with his friends doing horse tranquilizers, they watch a movie and the let the world dissipate
with nothing to do so just more time on the roof, the four of them unemployed and drinking mixed alcohol in a semicircle of varying poses until afternoon was clearly done with them, the sun seemingly at gaze as it started to cut itself along the skyscrapers to their west
“whatever the thing is,” this is the second time kel knocks the water pipe with her calf, “holy shit!” “kelly, the bong is for smoking,” “it keeps getting there,” and with everyone quiet for some time, she adds, “for some reason”
“that’s okay,” martin feels the need to say, “it’s all fine”
“so,” the day at 18:00, “we think it could do or not be whatever it seems like they’re doing, or have been trying to at least” the group is withered on topics up to this point, “and i mean i don’t for real know anything, and even that seems for show at this point”
they organize their accessories onto a pineapple before taking pictures and giving it a name, “look at him! look at him!” kel shouts, “gary’s become alive,” “he’s so cool,” garette, who doesn’t really know anyone there except kel, says though dressing a nonliving thing in some clothes and patronizing it makes him feel insecure
garette stands and walks some distance away from the others who watch the actions of his decision unfold in togethered silence
“this is really something,” martin says
“you fucking robot bitch, fuck you!” brooke was playing the computer at chess again, martin stares at her with open mouthed, white’s rook just took out her backrank checkmate idea and made her queen sacrifice moot
it seemed like forever to them, doing nothing
martin turns to kel and says, towards gary, “there really is a body there, as terrible as it seems”
after a while everyone went home, and he took a trip to somewhere else, where they drove into a valley, parked outside the gate of a national park and looked at the sky
no moon or planets with only the stars sort of there, just a satellite kind of went by, one of around five thousand or so
No comments:
Post a Comment