things as of that current moment felt more/less normal — white pedals losing their leaves before AEROPOSTALE fades onto the digital display across the street from me, sitting down for a long period of time and not waiting, enjoyed this period of my life
feeling now what i don't know, like the tree, the wind yes walking through the front gate of where i more or less live, standing on the sidewalk without sleep, now wondering where she is other than late, the sun obstructed by the tree, my head it's way somewhere where god is doing it all while i, small in comparison, also there & intersecting on a similar plane
laughing, it still new, i think about what was sent & feeling not unsure but as if something in me was unlimitedly in buffer, my life, when her car pulls in front of me
“from the passing car i heard the end of something,” speaking to me, the streets filled with taken parking spaces while outside continues the day, “him saying get home safe,” war playing on the radio, “and it was just wild to catch a moment like that,” then i’m noticed, “sorry, you seem to be going through something” "hmm?" "yes, you" "no, can't be" "I'm looking at you right now" "what’s up?" "so are you going to share or is it all under your nose" i touch my face and she says, “low, ride, er, drives a little slower”
waking up i give myself until noon then it’s whatever, i’ll let myself give up again until, when really by myself, i mean with no one reading my thoughts, whoever might care, i’ll still be here for a period of time being read in a voice unlike mine
what’s up with my inner being not being about anything, the moon with the sky undescribed in front of me, focusing for less than some minutes before i turn to a blank stare at nothing type beat, various elements making me up, yes feeling whatever about life ok but still doing something, that to me is everything
cringing so hard i just had to go, “don’t talk about that with me here,” singing it almost and jumping, my torso over the handrail, and watched POV motor vehicles circumventing the intersection, asking, "why god whyyyyyyyy?"
medicining myself before work, i cut myself shaving i’m so late, run out and jump on my 8.5 board over the overpass, blend of fumes entering my lungs, not, for reasons unrelated to my environment, wanting to kill myself and falling on some damn ass crack in the asphalt and literally spin mid air to SOAD, it was so bad a motorcyclist pulls over to give me a thumbs up, my arm bleeding and limping all fucked at my job, “teo, todo buen?” “de nada,” clock in and lie down in the bathroom for five more minutes, putt on my apron and trying to clean the dishes, the new guy didn’t have the heart to tell me
on my way out, just to leave, she took me by the shoulder, spinning me like with no vertigo, motionless there, i shout, “don’t touch me!” “where are you going?” but i was already gone and whispering, “i’m over this” “over what?” “under where?” “leave” “peace,” and the whole day said, “yes” — the trees, there was none, but the pavement okay, full of flaws and i hear my heartbeat here for no reason and i don’t know at the thought of having to find a job again, how long has it been?
i’m high and doing chores around the house i grew up in where some day another little boy or girl might be in my place not knowing what to do and having no idea of who i am, my garments in compartments like future gifts but for who i wonder
touching, the exterior field containing somewhat the summer's breeze, the velvety felt synthetic fibers of another part of me in this territory of wheatgrass which does not mean the same thing to me anymore
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